Shades
by sturms.sun.shattered
Summary: Turlough and Tegan don't see eye-to-eye. The Doctor wishes they wouldn't bicker while they're trying to escape. When strange things begin to happen on the TARDIS Tegan and Turlough need to set aside their differences long enough for the Doctor to find a solution. No parings, some meditation on guilt, trauma, and responsibility.
1. The Escape

**A/N: Begins in the last seconds of _Warriors of the Deep_. I claim no ownership of_ Doctor Who_ material. Thanks to TFS who read this, but has yet to watch any Classic Who.**

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><p>The Doctor looked around the glaring white of the bridge. Bruises were already forming around his eyes where blood vessels had burst from the strain of syncing his mind with the computer system to disarm the warhead.<p>

"There should have been another way."

Turlough bit the edge of his lip. The silence was jarring as he took in the bodies of the Silurians and Sea Devils…and the Commander who was sprawled across the console, his last act in life. He looked back at the Doctor, whose pained expression seemed more for the carnage than for dark circles still swelling around his eyes. Turlough and the Doctor were both jolted from their thoughts when Tegan inhaled sharply.

_Of course she's crying_, Turlough thought with annoyance.

"We should go," the Doctor said tonelessly.

"We can't leave him like that," Tegan said, looking to the Commander's body, "shouldn't we call someone?"

"Who, Tegan?" Turlough snapped.

"I don't know!" she shouted, forcefully wiping the tears off of her cheeks, "he saved the Earth! Doesn't he deserve something?"

Turlough was poised to answer with a biting remark, when the walls of the underwater base seemed to quiver with a series of strikes to the outer walls. The sound of creaking metal and water spraying in through fissures in the hull jerked Turlough back to the reality of the situation.

"Sounds like they know," Turlough said.

"Back to the TARDIS!" the Doctor shouted over the noise in the compartments beyond.

The Doctor slammed his palm against the emergency open beside the door and several inches of water flowed in and across the floor, soaking Turlough's shoes. The Doctor grasped Tegan's hand and dragged her through the corridors ahead. Turlough followed, sloshing through the rising water.

"Doctor, what's happening?" shouted Tegan.

"We're being attacked!" Turlough sniped, nearly slipping as they rounded a corner.

"I know _that_! _Who's_ attacking us?" she yelled.

"The Silurians? The Sea Devils?" Turlough hazarded.

"I'm afraid it's much worse than that," said the Doctor.

"Humans?" Turlough panted incredulously.

"They maintained radio silence!" said Tegan hysterically, as they dodged rivulets of water pouring in from the adjacent bulkhead.

"Apparently not," said the Doctor, avoiding the silvery, oozing body of a Sea Devil who had been dosed with Hexachromite gas.

"What about Bulic?" Tegan shouted.

"Hurry then," the Doctor conceded, electing the corridor that would lead them past the chemical room.

When they arrived, the panel beside the door flashed red. The thundering sound of water against the door told Turlough all he needed to know. The Doctor grimaced.

"We have to get out of here before the bulkhead breaches," Turlough said urgently.

"Bulic's trapped in there!" said Tegan.

"The compartment's flooded," said the Doctor darkly.

Tegan looked desperate.

"He was dead before we got here," Turlough said, hoping it was true.

"We have to go. Now!" the Doctor urged, directing them up a ladder.

"Tegan, move faster!" Turlough snapped.

"I'm going as fast as I can!" she returned, as she reached the second level.

The hems of his pant legs were dripping water down onto the Doctor behind him. As they reached the second level the floor pitched beneath them and several more crashes rained against the hull. Turlough caught Tegan by the arm as she skidded sideways. She still managed to cast him a cold glare as she righted herself.

"Perhaps you should choose more appropriate footwear," Turlough said, half under his breath.

She slipped again in her pumps, and caught her balance by grasping Turlough's tie. He was nearly knocked off his feet but for the Doctor grasping them each under their arms and dragging them along.

"Speak for yourself," she grumbled at Turlough.

"Enough! Keep moving!" the Doctor snapped.

The most recent attack had caused enough damage that the water pouring in had become almost deafening. The lower deck had completely flooded and the catwalk along which they stumbled was already slowing them with water creeping past their ankles. The mangled bodies of Sea Devils floated grotesquely on the quickly rising water, bumping against the railing of the catwalk.

Turlough's wet clothing made every move an increasing struggle and each breath was beginning to burn in his throat. Tegan looked as waterlogged and dishevelled as he felt, but the Doctor was not slowing, his jaw was set as he dragged them through the rising waters.

"Doctor? Didn't we park on the lower level?" Tegan asked with a nervous glance to the flooded compartment below.

"One thing at a time, Tegan," the Doctor said.

"I thought our 'one thing' was getting back to the TARDIS," Turlough panted.

The Doctor cast him an annoyed glance as they skidded to a stop at the door to the next compartment. The red light was flashing on the door panel.

"It's flooded?" Turlough asked.

The Doctor busted the cover from the panel.

"Hopefully just out of service," he said, trying to manually override the locking mechanism.

"Should you really be playing with wires while standing in water?" Tegan asked.

"The suit is insulated…I hope," the Doctor muttered, not looking away from the task.

Tegan and Turlough exchanged glances in the never-ending seconds it took for The Doctor to coax the door. It slid open to reveal the next compartment had not yet been flooded. They scrambled through the corridor. Turlough found himself hoping that the TARDIS could not be much further, as he slogged through knee-deep water. The Doctor pulled them around the corner and there stood the TARDIS at the base of the spiral steps. They scrambled down into the thigh-deep water, splashing their way through to the TARDIS. Turlough could not suppress the childish sound of relief that escaped his lips when his hands slammed against the blue doors.

"Into the TARDIS," The Doctor said, unlocking the door and shoving Turlough and Tegan into the interior.

Turlough's shoes squeaked on the floor as water crept in through the open door. The three slid into the control room, Turlough caught the side of the console, narrowly avoiding hitting his chin as he slipped in the puddles.

"Turlough, the door!" The Doctor shouted as he flicked switches and pushed buttons frantically.

Turlough grabbed the red-handled lever and yanked it downward. The doors slammed shut behind them. As the TARDIS took off with a characteristic groaning, he slid to the floor where Tegan was already leaning back on her palms, trying to catch her breath. The TARDIS stabilised and The Doctor sank down to the floor between them. He gripped both of their shoulders, his eyes slightly bloodshot from the strain the computer had put on his body.

"Is everyone alright?" he asked.

Turlough nodded.

"Yeah," said Tegan, "Doctor, your eyes. Maybe you should—"

"I'm fine," The Doctor said shortly, pushing Tegan's hand away from his face.

They sat in the puddles in silence until they caught their breath. Finally, the Doctor stood, his hands pressed against the console for support as he read the monitor. After a moment he surveyed the room, his expression made grimmer by the shadow of the bruises under his eyes.

"Tegan. Turlough."

They looked up wearily from the floor.

"Get a mop."


	2. Conflicted

"Shouldn't the TARDIS have something to deal with this?" Tegan asked idly, wringing her mop into a bucket.

Turlough glanced back at her. His silent half-smile indicated his agreement, though Tegan could not understand how he could bring himself to smile in light of their most recent excursion. Her mind felt numb, still processing what she had witnessed. She glanced back at the Doctor, who was bent over and open panel on the control centre of the TARDIS, cleaning the residual moisture out of the controls.

"Doctor? Doesn't the TARDIS have a system for cleaning up spills?" she prompted.

"Hm? Of course it does."

Tegan and Turlough looked at him expectantly. He returned the look, almost as though he did not understand the question and then returned to his work.

"Well?" Turlough ventured.

"Well what?"

"Doctor!" Tegan sighed, exasperated.

"The broom closet is right around the corner," the Doctor explained nonchalantly, still caught up in his work.

"You don't think Kamelion might give us a hand?" Turlough suggested pointedly.

"You know, I have no idea where he's gotten to," The Doctor replied without much concern for the android. He shrugged, "I'm sure he'll manage, though."

"Our luck, we'll find him at the bottom of the pool," Tegan quipped, darkly.

Turlough smirked, and Tegan felt a surge of hostility for him joining in on her joke.

"Well," said the Doctor, replacing the casing on the console, "I think everything here is in order."

"You don't think there might be a few more fixes you could do while you're in the mindset?" Tegan hinted.

"Perhaps later," the Doctor said absently.

He wiped his hands on the rag as he ducked out of the control room. Turlough's eyes followed him and he dropped his mop, the handle sounding sharply against the floor.

"That's just like him!" Turlough remarked.

"C'mon, Turlough. We've nearly finished," prompted Tegan grittily, lifting her bucket of water to empty.

Turlough sighed and followed suit, carelessly dragging his mop along behind them, a slick trail forming on the floor. Tegan ignored him as they emptied their buckets into a drain in the broom closet. She wondered idly where exactly the water went from the drain. Tossing her pail aside, Tegan went to her bedroom and slumped exhaustedly onto the bed. She peeled away her damp clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and ran her hand along the bruises that were forming from her tumble during their escape. It seemed her legs and arms were always banged up from their excursions and she was beginning to feel the mental fatigue creeping in. She slid off of her bed and hunted briefly for something dry to wear. Dressed, she returned to her bed and smoothed the covers. She lay down, thinking she might rest for a bit.

Despite the heaviness of her limbs, her mind would not stop chattering. The Doctor had shown her humanity's future, a century from her own time. Two power blocs still locked in a cold war…they would still be playing nuclear chicken after she died, she thought with a terrible sinking feeling. It was reassuring that the world would still be intact in 2084, but how close they had come to total annihilation still made her feel queasy. Perhaps total annihilation was what they had left behind, the crashing on the hull signalling its beginning…

Tegan awoke with a jolt. She had fallen asleep in spite of her spiral of thoughts, though she had the feeling that she had not slept for very long or if she had even drifted off at all. Sometimes it was almost impossible to tell in the TARDIS, where her constructs of time passage were all but irrelevant. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, hearing the sound of footsteps disappearing as they passed down the hall outside of her room.

She flung her legs off the bed and stepped into her shoes, wondering if the noise of passer-by was what had roused her from her nap. Stepping out into the corridor she found it empty. She shrugged internally, knowing that it could have been any one of her travelling companions walking to or from the control room.

Now that she was fully certain she would not drift back to sleep, she wandered down the corridor to the kitchen, intent on having a glass of juice. Instead she found Turlough sitting alone at the table with a cup of tea, his hair slightly ruffled on one side, as though he too had tried to sleep. She realised too late that he had also seen her. It would have been rude to simply turn and leave, though concerns about politeness had not stopped her in the past.

"I thought you'd be asleep," she said finally, fetching a glass.

"Not everyone needs as much sleep as humans do," he retorted.

"You don't need to be rude," she said, glad to be in the right.

"Just a statement of fact," he clarified.

She leaned back against the fridge and sipped at her juice. Turlough pushed out the chair across from him with his foot and glanced at it meaningfully. Sighing Tegan took a seat, wondering if she was playing into some ploy of Turlough's. Despite the Doctor's found trust for the young man, she could not bring herself to forget that he had wheedled his way onto the TARDIS attempting to take the Doctor's life. The Doctor had made it very clear that he would no longer listen to her concerns on the matter and entreated her to at least try to be friendly. She would give it a try, if only to say she had tried.

"You seem upset," he said.

"Well, I just learned more about my world than I ever wanted to. Those creatures…maybe we shouldn't be allowed to know our futures."

She immediately regretted admitting what was on her mind to Turlough. She was not even fully clear on how he ended up travelling with them. An alien from Trion in an English Boys School? It had never seemed right to Tegan, but Turlough was tight-lipped on the subject. How could the Doctor trust someone like that?

"That's what's bothering you? You know that the world won't end in your lifetime. I'm not very invested in Earth, truthfully, but even I was sort of afraid that you lot would be foolish enough to blow it up before I could leave."

"Thanks for your vote of confidence," said Tegan sarcastically, though she had sometimes wondered the same things herself. She often found herself defensive of Earth around Turlough, though she did not really know why.

"It can happen to any planet really. Politics," he shrugged, sipping at his tea.

"I thought you hated tea," Tegan pointed out.

"Habit."

"It bothered you too," Tegan said.

"I didn't like seeing everyone die, you're right, but that's how it goes sometimes."

"How can you just say that?" Tegan asked, shaking her head at his callousness.

"What am I supposed to do about it? The Doctor couldn't save them and neither could we. You just have to move on. No point in shedding tears over history."

"We should be upset about history!" she said, slamming her hand on the tabletop. "How else will we know…"

"Not to repeat it?" asked Turlough sardonically.

Tegan huffed, hating that Turlough was right. She had taken her share of history courses in university, and they all read the same. War, conquest, genocide: these were repeated over and over in human history. Now Tegan had the dubious pleasure of watching it play out in the future, in the past, on alien worlds.

She felt the horrible stretch of exhaustion at the thought. She wanted to go home, hide from all of this and forget she had ever set foot in the TARDIS. Another part of her wondered how she could leave now, if she really could go back to life, knowing what she knew. How could she bury that knowledge? How could she go through life never speaking to anyone about the things she had seen? She had not been able to before…

She pushed her chair back and stood. Turlough looked annoyed by her reaction.

"Oh come on, Tegan…"

"I'm not going to sit around and pretend that you're right! Something has to come out of it or what's the point?" she ranted, trying to keep her voice under control. Control was never one of her strong suits.

"What?" Turlough was taken aback.

"I don't know why I came back," she said.

"It's not so bad," he tried to console her.

"Don't try to be nice, Turlough," she snapped.

"Why do you hate me so?" Turlough moaned dramatically.

"I don't trust you."

"I took up arms and helped save you!" he pointed out.

"You killed the Silurian that we were supposed to be helping."

"We couldn't very well have him shooting around the bridge!"

"You're always so cold-blooded!" she said.

"I did what was necessary."

"Goodnight, Turlough," she spat.

She turned and left before she said something she could not take back. Or before she cried; she was not really sure which might happen. She wandered through the corridors, trying to calm down before she went back to her room. She leaned back against the circles on the wall. Over the hum of the TARDIS she heard a shout and a crash. Surprised, she rounded the corner and pushed open the door to a room she had never entered.

The Doctor froze in surprise when he saw her in the doorway. He stood behind a workbench laden with half-made gadgets, his sleeves rolled up past his elbows. Several pieces of a large contraption lay scattered on the ground, as though it had been knocked from the tabletop. The room itself was deceptively large, like the TARDIS itself, and seemed to attach to the library, though Tegan had never noticed it before when she wandered through the library.

"I heard a…noise…are you alright?" she managed.

"Yes. Just attempting to…well, never mind. Is there something wrong, Tegan?"

"I want to go home," she blurted.

"You do tend to say that a lot," he said, examining a broken piece from the ground, no longer interested in the conversation.

"I mean it this time, Doctor. Maybe just for a visit to make sure home is still there…"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"I just don't know how to handle all of this!" she exclaimed.

The Doctor was taken aback by her sudden outburst, but he did not seem altogether surprised. He began to walk towards the library and Tegan followed him. He sat back in a winged armchair and Tegan took up the one across from him. He leaned back, touching his temples and closing his eyes.

"Doctor?"

"Oh, you're still here."

"Yes, I want to talk about this!"

He sighed.

"Do you really want to go home, Tegan?"

"Yes. I don't know. I think I need to. Just for a visit?" she fumbled.

The Doctor nodded.

"I'm just…what happened on the Sea Base…is that really…are we always so close to destruction?" she probed.

"Time isn't fixed, Tegan. Some things are, but the future can change at any moment. Maybe that is your future, but you can't allow yourself to get lost in that possibility. All you can do is just go on through your life in the best way possible," he said gently.

"Maybe I'm just a little worn out," she said after a brief pause.

"You should rest," he half-smiled, then winced at the purplish marks around his eyes.

"Doctor, are you sure you wouldn't—"

"I'm quite alright, I promise you. Time Lords have somewhat of an advantage over lesser species in healing."

"Well," she said indignantly, "if I'm a lesser species, then perhaps I _should_ go to bed."

She got up and left through the main library, glancing back at the Doctor. He still sat in the chair, fingers steepled under his chin. Tegan wondered if he was feeling as badly about the incident at the Sea Base as she was. She was suddenly very glad to be more of a bystander to the incident, than to bear the responsibility that the Doctor had in the deaths of the Sea Devils and Silurians.

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><p><strong>AN: I woke up to find three followers and I was very excited! Thanks for reading! Let me know what you're thinking by typing in the little review box!**


	3. Lost

Turlough was not about to let himself feel guilty for provoking Tegan. After all, Tegan could be provoked over the smallest of things, and Turlough had not yet worked out the pattern to what set her off…except that it seemed to be everything he said. He hated to admit that she might have a point about him, though. He really was not very moved by what happened on other planets. Perhaps he was hardened against death and destruction after…no, he was not going to think about that. Trion was still something he was not ready to dwell on.

He rose from the table, hoping to clear his mind with a walk. He made sure to take the opposite direction to Tegan. Perhaps he would wander by the pool and make sure that Kamelion really was not sunk to the bottom as Tegan had suggested earlier. Turlough stepped out into the corridor and looked around.

"Is it darker in here?" he asked aloud.

The lights had dimmed by half. Turlough had never known the lights in the corridor to go out and abandoned all thoughts of visiting the pool. Instead he roamed through the corridors toward the main control room. Throwing open the door, he expected to find the Doctor at the controls. To his surprise, he found that he was not even in the control room. He took in the walls of stone and the ivy tendrils growing along the columns and arches. He backed slowly out of the room and closed the door then looked around the corridor. He was certain he had made for the control room when he had left the kitchen, and it certainly looked as though he was in the right place. Taking one final peek in at the curious room, he decided that it might be better left alone.

Turning, he stalked down the hall, stopping at Tegan's door. He knocked and called to her with no response. He had not really expected her to respond after their disagreement, but she usually answered if she was inside even if it was just to huff and tell him to get lost. He sighed and continued down the hall, hoping to come across the Doctor or Tegan. Either one of them could confirm whether or not he was alone in this madness—he sincerely hoped he was not. He pinched the inside of the wrist as he walked, just to be sure he was not dreaming.

"Ouch. Not dreaming," he confirmed.

His footfalls echoed weirdly in the silent corridor. Certainly they had always echoed like that, he thought, but the dimmed lights made everything seem more ominous. He shook he head, imploring himself to keep it together. Ahead he thought he heard shuffling, though he saw no one.

"Doctor? Tegan?" he called out cautiously.

After all, if he was going mad he might want someone around. If not…he was not really sure which was the larger problem.

"Tegan?"

He turned suddenly, the sensation of someone behind him. There was no one, and he began to walk more quickly, suppressing the shiver that coursed his spine.

"Doctor?" he called again.

The faintest whisper by his shoulder sent him into a run. Turning a corner he forced himself to stop, his heart pounding in his ears. He was braver than this, he reassured himself. Taking a calming breath he scanned his surroundings again.

"It's just the TARDIS. It's not haunted…just airflow. It's pipes or something," he said under his breath, glancing up at the ceiling.

A clatter up ahead drew his attention. Fighting his instinct to run, he strode quietly forward. He pressed himself against the wall and peeked around the corner. There was no one to be found, though one of the roundels on the wall had clattered to the floor leaving a panel of exposed wire at arm-level. He cautiously knelt and picked up the cover. Turning in his hands he stood and looked inside the hole in the wall at the wiring. He wondered if Kamelion had been tinkering.

Turlough had not seen the android in almost a week, though the Doctor had seemed confident that he was not in any trouble. Turlough himself knew how long one could hide in the meandering halls and unexpected rooms of the TARDIS; he had once avoided Tegan for four whole days, and it would have been longer if the Doctor had not summoned them both to the control room. It seemed less of an achievement when he considered Tegan might have also been avoiding him, but he would take his successes where he could find them.

He replaced the roundel and continued down the hallway, slightly calmer for his moment of contemplation. If it was just Kamelion playing with circuitry it might account for the lights…but it did not account for the misplaced room.

Approaching the Doctor's workshop, he opened the door to find that it was only a smooth wall. He pressed his hands against it, but it did not budge.

Could the room have been jettisoned? He wondered. He knew that rooms could be rewritten, removed, and replaced in the TARDIS. He closed the door in frustration and continued down the hallway. The cold feeling of being observed him followed him. He thought he caught a glimpse of someone in his peripheral vision. Turning he saw no one.

"Trick of the light," he breathed.

"Doctor? Turlough?"

The Australian twang sounded far away, but Turlough could not recall ever feeling so pleased to hear Tegan.

"Tegan!" he shouted, breaking into a run.

"Turlough! Where are you?" she shouted.

"Keep shouting! I'll find you!"

"I'm at the pool! I don't know how I got here!"

"Don't leave, just stay there!"

"Turlough! Hurry I think there's someone—"

There was a scream, cut off by a splash.

"TEGAN?"

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>


	4. Gremlins

Water filled her mouth and nose. She opened her eyes but could barely tell up from down in the swirling bubbles around her, stinging her eyes. She struggled to right herself and kicked upward, surfacing with a cough and choking on the water that had trickled down the back of her throat. She floundered for a moment, spiting water and coughing so forcefully her eyes hurt. She reached for the edge, half wondering how she had ended up in the water.

Before she could grasp the ledge, something closed around her foot and yanked her back beneath the surface, drawing her down before she could get a proper breath. She struggled, fruitlessly kicking her legs. Her chest felt compressed as she sank further below the surface, black spots bursting before her eyes. She let out what little air she had in a bubbly howl and squeezed her eyes tightly shut.

_ I was pushed!_ Her mind screamed, as more hands wrapped around her limbs.

She struggled weakly against the grip on her arms, her lungs burning. She thought the pulling would tear her apart. Somehow she broke the surface and tried to suck air into her watery lungs. Instead she coughed, thrashing against the arm that gripped her.

"Don't struggle!" Turlough grunted, pulling her to the edge of the pool.

He pulled himself onto the ledge, and dragged her onto the mosaic of tiles beside him. Tegan leaned forward on her hands and knees, coughing and choking until she thought she might wretch. So little air was making it to her lungs she wondered if she might drown here on the edge of the pool, water rattling in her chest.

"Tegan breathe!" Turlough urged, gripping her shoulders.

Stubbornly she forced a breath, and another. Damned if she would drown here in Turlough's arms! She finally raised her head, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth. Turlough's eyes looked as terrified as she had felt.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

She tired to answer, but ended up wheezing. She nodded. He gripped her arms briefly and grabbed a couple of fluffy beach towels off of a shelf and draped one around Tegan.

"Thanks," she rasped.

"Yeah."

She wiped her face and slicked back her short hair with the corner of her towel. Turlough knelt beside her, ringing out the tails of his untucked shirt.

"What happened?" he ventured.

"Someone…pushed me in. They had my ankle…"

She cleared her throat. She was sure he would laugh at her; it sounded mad even as she said it. Turlough's expression registered neither shock nor disbelief. Instead, he set his jaw grimly.

"Let's get out of here," he said in a low voice.

He tossed his own towel over his shoulder and pulled Tegan to her feet. She looked back at the pool with lament.

"What?"

"I liked those shoes," she said for the pumps now sitting at the bottom of the pool.

Turlough rolled his eyes and led the way back to the corridor. Tegan followed him, her bare feet cold against the smooth floor. She wiped a drop of water that had trailed from her hair off the tip of her nose. She shivered a little and scrubbed her short hair with the towel again.

"Do you know what's happening?" she asked.

"I hoped _you_ might."

"It's like I've forgotten where everything is. I meant to go to my room and ended up in the pool."

"How is this happening though?" muttered Turlough.

"Maybe we've crashed into…a space thing…"

Turlough cast her a glance that betrayed his simultaneous annoyance and amusement at her inability to comprehend space travel. His unrelenting smugness about everything was infuriating.

"You have a better idea?" she sniped.

"Do you ever think that the TARDIS might be…" he trailed off.

"What?"

"Alive."

Tegan felt her mouth quirk involuntarily.

"Is it that absurd? The way The Doctor talks about it?" Turlough ventured, his brows furrowing at her expression.

"It's a machine," Tegan said.

The idea of the TARDIS having some sort of consciousness really was absurd to her, and more than a little disturbing given the recent attack on her person. Perhaps the TARDIS disliked her. The TARDIS having an opinion was even more unsettling.

"It's just a machine," she repeated.

Turlough looked unconvinced, but uncharacteristically said nothing.

"We need to find the Doctor," Tegan said.

"He could be anywhere, really."

"I last saw him in the library."

"Which way do you suppose that is?" Turlough said, stopping where the corridors crossed.

Tegan looked both ways and then stared ahead. She searched her mind for the direction she had come from.

"Right," she said uncertainly.

They continued through the corridor under her direction. The lights dimmed further and a shivery breeze stirred briefly.

"Wish I had a torch," Turlough lamented.

Tegan could hear the uncertainty in his voice, though he had tried to sound off-the-cuff. Her own senses were tingling from the adrenaline pumping through her veins.

"Gremlins," she said, pulling her towel around her more tightly.

"What?"

"You lived on Earth, tell me you know about gremlins?"

"I'm afraid I'm not aware of some of the more folksy human superstations. You'll have to enlighten me," Turlough said.

Tegan chose to ignore the hint of distain that coloured his tone. Talking—even with Turlough—was preferable to the un-silence of the whispers that seemed just over her shoulder.

"Pilots blame them for unexplained problems in planes…gremlins in the machines…" Tegan told him.

They both started at the echo of something crashing to the floor somewhere ahead.

"Kamelion?" Turlough called.

"Don't call him!" Tegan hissed.

"Wouldn't you rather know where he is?"

"What if _he's_ causing this?"

"You just don't like androids," Turlough said.

"I find the resemblance to a human…a little uncanny…" Tegan said defensively.

"You just don't like non-humans," he scoffed.

"Turlough, you know that's not true!"

"Well you don't care much for me."

"I wish you would quit saying that," she said, aggravated with his persistence.

"Well it's true."

Tegan stopped in her tracks.

"What?"

"There's supposed to be a door here," Tegan said, staring at the blank wall.

"All we can do is keep going," Turlough urged.

Tegan ignored him and turned, looking back where they had come from. She took a few steps back down the hall, her brow furrowed with dismay. The corridor no longer stretched onward; it terminated in a dead end. Tegan felt the frustration welling in her throat.

"We've gone the wrong way. Turlough the wall—"

She was cut off by Turlough's surprised yelp of. She whipped around. He had dropped to his knees and had pressed his hands against his collarbone.

"What happened?"

"Something's attacking us," he gasped, staring at his shaking, bloody hands.

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><p><strong>Next Up: A chapter from the Doctor.<strong>


	5. Disorder in the Library

The Doctor lifted his head and sat up straight, wondering when precisely he had fallen asleep. He immediately regretted it as it set his head pounding.

"This hasn't happened in a while," he said, closing his eyes and holding his head.

The slightly musty smell of old paper, the dryness of the air, the oppressive silence of a room draped in heavy fabric. His senses told him he was in the library.

"How did I get here?" he asked himself.

He remembered speaking with Tegan, though he could have sworn he had been in the workshop. He cracked open his eyes slowly, the lights twinkling in his eyes painfully. He could almost envision tiny lasers lancing through his pupils and bouncing around his skull. The thought had barely crossed his mind when the library dimmed.

"That was certainly accommodating of you," he thanked it suspiciously.

When had the TARDIS ever cooperated before? Something must be wrong, he decided. He stood and straightened his jumper, ignoring the horrible wave of pain in his head. He made his way through the lushness of the cavernous room, stars twinkling through the latticework of glass and lead that domed the ceiling. After several minutes of wandering, he cursed the room for being so ostentatious.

"If you're still interested in being helpful, you could kindly let me leave," he told the TARDIS sharply.

The TARDIS seemed not to hear him as it steered him through rows of books, up stairs, around banisters. As he came to a winged chair and small table at the end of a row, he pondered why the TARDIS would lead him to this corner. A book, bound immaculately in darkest blue with gilded lettering rested on the round side table. Glancing over his shoulder he picked it up.

"_Black Orchid_."

He set it down hastily and turned quickly down the aisle. He found himself face-to-face with a blockade of bookshelves.

"I don't have time for this," he snapped.

The Doctor backtracked a few paces and laid eyes on the rolling ladder. Ensuring it was steady, he climbed to the top and surveyed the library. It looked no different than it ever had; no shelves were out of place and the gleaming oak doors were across the room as they should have been. He climbed down, wondering if the computer on the sea base had done more damage to his mind than he had previously thought.

"I am leaving this room," he told the TARDIS firmly, "and you are going to let me or…" he tried to think of a suitable threat. "I'll lock your doors and leave you alone…in an alley…for kids to graffiti…_behind a skip!_" he finished.

Whether or not the TARDIS believed his threat—or if he had simply imagined himself getting lost in his own library—the Doctor was able to find the exit. He pushed the wooden doors open and stood in the dim hallway. He spun quickly on the spot, regretting it immediately as he held his throbbing head.

"This isn't right," he whispered to himself.

The corridors seemed to go on and on in either direction until they disappeared into the darkness. Had they always been so long? If he turned left he assumed he would be led through the atrium, right should take him back to the console room. He turned right, his skin prickling. This hallway felt colder. At first it was only a shade, but he soon felt a tingling cold through his jumper. The feeling of eyes on his back followed him and he looked over his shoulder.

"Whatever trick this is, it isn't going to work," he said.

Perhaps there was something wrong with the TARDIS? Maybe an alien computer takeover? Maybe some sort of breakdown of the environmental systems? The only place to find out for sure was the console room. The handle was freezing in his hand and he stepped into…not the console room.

"Why have you replaced the console room with the cloister room?" he shouted at the time machine.

The door slammed behind him. In a moment of brief panic his hands scrabbled under the ivy where the door had been, but his fingers scrapped only stone. The Doctor paced the perimeter looking for the customary arched exits, but he found only walls. He sighed and sat on a stone bench and ran his fingers along his scalp.

"This is no time for quiet contemplation," he admonished the TARDIS.

As he tried to work out his current predicament, unbidden thoughts kept interrupting. Why had the TARDIS shown him _Black Orchid_, a book he had assumed had been stored away with the rest of Adric's possessions? He had not exactly overseen the cleanout of the boy's room, but Tegan had come to him asking where everything could be stored. She had been emotional; worried that Turlough might throw out every memory of the younger boy. The Doctor had spent several hours in his workshop after the encounter, but nothing he had worked on that day had turned out right.

"Is this what you want? Guilt? Do you feed on it?" he whispered across the room, half-expecting a grinning spectre to appear from the ivy.

"Well, you have it," he said bitterly.

He heard a whisper over his shoulder, an impression. A playful voice, oppositional, headstrong. There had been so many of those voices.

"You can't come back. I've jettisoned your room," he told the dim room.

_There's no one there_.

"I'm talking to shadows…certainly there are enough of them," he said.

He held his head, afraid to close his eyes, afraid the shadows might take form if he even blinked. It was more than just Adric; he had left a swath of bodies across the galaxy. Some died in the destruction that inevitably followed him. Some had lived, and he did not return, too ashamed to visit. Some were lost to him forever.

The Doctor rose from the cold smoothness of the stone. If the TARDIS wanted him to end up here there must have been some greater reason than descending into the spiral of those left behind. A chill ran through him as a strangled scream echoed on the edge of his hearing.

"Turlough."

The unease that rose in his chest set him running through the archway where the door should have been. This time, the TARDIS let him pass through the archway into the oppressive greyness of the corridor. As he ran through the corridors, his trainers smacking against the floor, he pushed aside all thoughts of those left behind. The present and the living still needed him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry for the wait if you've been following. I wasn't very happy with this chapter...and then I got caught up in several papers...it was sort of a mess. Also, thanks to chris for my first review on this story!**


	6. Reliability

Tegan stared at the blood that slicked Turlough's hands in a brief moment of shock.

"Hm," he remarked, "I can't even feel it."

He looked dazed. The wound across his shoulder was real enough. Tegan shook herself, and grabbed his uninjured arm. Whatever was out there might come back for more. She tugged him to his feet.

"Turlough, let's go," she said urgently.

He staggered drunkenly against her and slid back onto the floor.

"Oh, I do feel it now," he said, unaffected.

Tegan knelt beside him, and pressed his towel to his chest where the blood had blossomed along his torn shirt. She grasped his hand and pressed it over the towel.

"Hold this there. You're going into shock," she said.

"I know. I remember."

"Remember what?"

He gave her a watery smile. The rustle of whispers quelled her curiosity.

"Never mind, then. Let's go," she said.

She put her arm around his waist and pulled his arm around her shoulders and hoisted him to his feet with all of her strength. Even as they stumbled back the way they came she swore she could feel the air growing colder.

"Tegan, where're we going?"

"Some place safe," she panted.

"There's nowhere safe," Turlough said, a slur creeping into his words.

He collapsed back against her, and it was all she could do to keep his head from hitting the floor as he crumpled. He leaned his head back against her leg and closed his eyes with a sigh.

"Don't lie down!"

Her voice was so full of fear she barely recognized it.

"Tegan, I'm so tired," Turlough said, his hands going limp and slipping from the towel.

"Oh no you're not!"

Tegan yanked him in to sitting position by his collar and pushed him against the wall. He protested as she put pressure the saturated towel to staunch the bleeding. His eyes drooped sleepily but she grabbed his chin harshly with her free hand and forced him to look her at her. His skin had grown cool to the touch.

"Hey. Hey! You are not falling asleep on me! Open your eyes right now!"

He cracked his eyes open.

"Did the cave fall in?"

"Turlough, we're in the TARDIS. We're not in a cave."

"Yes…of course," he shook his head slightly.

"The Doctor's coming," she said, her throat raw with fear, "he'll be here."

She babbled on, trying to comfort herself as much as Turlough. The Doctor would show up. He always did.

_Not for Adric_.

Why had her mind gone there? For a moment Tegan thought that Turlough had said it. It was all in her head, she tried to assure herself. It was hard to stay convinced when she felt the wisps of breeze near her face. Something was always standing right behind her, sending chills down her spine, but she could only catch a glimpse out of the corner of her eye.

"Why haven't you left me?" Turlough asked in a moment of lucidity.

"You're injured."

"You hate me," he said petulantly.

"Not that much," she said.

"It's bad, I can tell."

"It's fine."

"You're not acting offended, that's how I know." Turlough observed, glancing at the darkened towel.

"Don't look at it. Just look at me," she said.

"I hate my own blood."

"Then stop looking at it! Look at me!"

Turlough blinked heavily and squinted at her face. There was a lot of blood; more than Tegan would have thought for such a wound and Turlough's level of alertness was declining.

"You're so far away," he muttered.

"I'm right in front of you. Just keep your eyes open."

"Yeah…" he agreed absently.

"Do you hear that?"

"A buzzing? Is something…maybe an echo…"

Turlough was losing focus again but Tegan could certainly hear something. It was the sound of footsteps, quickly approaching.

"Doctor!?" Tegan hollered.

"Tegan! Where are you?"

"We're here, Doctor!" she shouted.

Tegan's heart felt like it was about to burst with relief. The Doctor was coming; everything would be all right. The Doctor rounded the corner and pounded down the hallway, sliding to a stop and kneeling beside Turlough. It seemed to Tegan the shadows retreated in the Doctor's presence, and the fear that had clenched at her insides eased.

"What's happened?" the Doctor asked, touching Turlough's clammy check with the back of his hand.

"Something attacked us," Tegan said.

"In the pool?" he asked, looking at their damp clothes.

"Long story."

The Doctor peeked under the edge of the stained towel and pressed it back against Turlough's chest. His face set in its usual grim mask he checked the young man's pulse, and lifted each eyelid.

"You'll be alright, Turlough," he said.

"Right as rain," shivered Turlough, sliding down the wall.

Tegan and the Doctor caught him as he slumped. Tegan jolted as she heard the whispers echoing down the corridor.

"Doctor, what's doing this?" she asked, panic returning full force.

"Never mind. No time to explain," he shushed her.

"But Doctor…"

"Tegan, just ignore it."

The Doctor pulled Turlough into his arms and stood as Turlough weighed little more than a child. He strode purposefully down the corridor, Tegan hurrying to keep up with his long strides.

"It was that woman in skins," Turlough mumbled.

The Doctor stopped dead for a moment, his brow furrowed as though something struck him as ludicrous.

"Doctor?" Tegan asked.

"Right…to the infirmary," he said, brushing her off.

He continued with an incredible pace. Tegan followed, wiping Turlough's blood from her hands onto the beach towel that still hung from her own shoulders, struggling to remove the stains from her nail beds.

"We'll never find it, Doctor!" she protested.

"I'm quite confident we will," he said grimly.

"Do _you_ know why is the TARDIS like this?" she asked accusatorily.

"I'm not sure…but I think I'm beginning to…"

"Well?"

"I'm still working it out. This door Tegan," he said.

"This was just a wall before," she protested.

"_Will you just_…" The Doctor caught himself before his voice escalated. "Tegan. Please open the door and don't argue."

Tegan threw open the door. Sure enough, the Doctor was right. Tegan followed him into the long room where the Doctor laid Turlough on one of the beds.

"Stay here!" he ordered tersely.

He dashed off and Tegan could hear him rummaging, knocking things about, holding back a curse as broken glass tinkled on the floor.

"Never going to find them," Turlough mumbled.

Tegan turned her attention back to Turlough. His narrow face was greyish and pale and he shivered with cold. She ducked behind the curtain and pulled a blanket from the next bed and covered Turlough to the chest.

"It'll be alright. He'll find what he's looking for," she tried to comfort him.

"What?" he asked blearily.

"Don't worry about it," she said, giving his uninjured arm a squeeze.

"I need more light!" The Doctor hollered.

Tegan was surprised when the lights came up suddenly. She froze, her heart pounding again. The Doctor had something to do with this! He had known how to get to the infirmary when she and Turlough had just found corridors. Now the lights obeyed the Doctor's commands. As he came around the corner, a tiny phial in his hand, Tegan jumped between him and Turlough.

"What are you doing to us? What are you doing to the TARDIS?" she raged.

"Tegan, get out of my way," he said with exasperation.

"What is that?" she demanded, pointing at the phial.

"It's an antibiotic, disinfectant, and antihemorrhagic among other things! It'll stop the bleeding and encourage his skin to knit! Now move, Tegan!" he snapped.

Tegan reluctantly moved back to Turlough's side. The Doctor set the phial on the side table and pulled back the towel and Turlough's shirt to expose the wound. It was a jagged diagonal tear from his shoulder across his pectoral.

"There shouldn't be that much blood!" Tegan said.

"He's from Trion. His arterial system is different from a human's," he told her, not looking up.

He gave Turlough a little shake. Turlough looked briefly at the Doctor and closed his eyes with an incoherent mumble.

"Turlough, this might sting a bit."

Tegan had been expecting liquid, but as the Doctor poured the contents of the phial across the gash, she saw it was a pale-coloured powder. Turlough jerked into alertness with a curse. Tegan grabbed his free arm to prevent him striking out.

"It burns! You said sting!" he raged at the Doctor, the pain bringing him round.

The Doctor pressed a dressing against the wound.

"I did. Had to be done," he said, pushing Turlough back and taping the dressing in place.

"Why…"

Turlough dropped his head back against the pillow with an exasperated sigh.

"I wasn't about to lose…" the Doctor said, not looking at either of them.

Tegan felt an unidentifiable twinge. How had she never noticed the guilt that the Doctor was still carrying? She could not see it through her own grief when she had pleaded, begged the Doctor to save Adric. How could she have rationalised the weight of one life over her own civilization, even when Nyssa and the Doctor told her nothing could be done? She could not have lived with that responsibility, the power to do something, but the responsibility to do nothing.

"I'm sorry, Doctor," she said.

He glanced at her, an empty smile pasted on his face. His smiles had not reached his eyes for a long time. Maybe they never had.

"Stay with Turlough. I think I know how to fix this," he said, striding to the infirmary door.

"Let me come with you," she said, matching his stride.

"Tegan, please—just this once—listen."

He put his hands on her shoulders hesitantly and looked her in the eyes.

"I need to do this alone…and Turlough needs someone to stay here. When this is over I'll be in the console room…or the cloister room, I'm not entirely sure, really."

"How will we know when this is all over?"

The lights started to go down again. The Doctor looked up at them with the reluctance of someone walking to the gallows.

"I imagine the lights will come back up," he said.

His tone was easy, but his eyes remained grim. Tegan nodded, and that half-smile graced the Doctor's face briefly before he retreated into the corridor.

"Brave heart, Tegan."

Tegan stared after the Doctor for a moment before she reluctantly turned back to Turlough. He seemed to have come back from his near unconsciousness and sat half-propped on his uninjured elbow. Tegan noted his face and lips were still ghastly pale.

"Maybe you should rest now," she suggested, standing beside him.

"Oh you do have an indoor voice," Turlough said, though he did lie back.

"Does it still hurt?" she asked, ignoring his barb.

"Much less."

"What do you suppose is going on?" she asked, sitting gingerly on the edge of his bed.

He shook his head in that way that suggested that if he had an idea he was not telling. Tegan pulled her knees up to her chest. She must have looked forlorn because Turlough sighed.

"I think he'll fix it," said Turlough as kindly as he could manage.

"Yeah," she agreed tonelessly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: To show you just how sorry I am for the delay, it's two posts tonight. Thanks for reading!**


	7. Epiphany Moment

As The Doctor strode back through the corridors to the control room he began to distinguish individual voices and the noise echoed through him. It was the sound of voices on the edge of a dream. He could hear the tone, the rise and fall of voices but no discernable words. The tangled babble pounded through his skull forcing him to stop. He stood with his eyes tightly closed to the crescendo of the chattering, clutching his head.

He could hear them all, all lost to him.

_Don't give in now, Doctor._

The noise stopped suddenly. He looked through the darkened corridors to see the spectre ahead of him.

"I wasn't giving in," he said evenly.

Even as he strode towards it, it seemed further away. He could only discern the figure was a woman.

_We have. Or we will. _

"I haven't asked anything."

_You were about to ask if we'd met._

"What are you doing here?"

He sensed more than saw an enigmatic smile.

_It's all in your head, Doctor._

"I'm not listening to this. Don't speak to me unless you have answers, _specific_ answers about what is happening to my TARDIS!" he said, advancing purposefully.

_It's not the TARDIS…_

The shade faded, or was never there. Still the smile lingered on as an infuriating impression. Perhaps he was going about this the wrong way. Maybe he would need to go to where the cloister room should be in order to find out where the control room had gone. He turned on his heel, breaking into a run through the corridors, familiar as ever. He burst into the room where the cloister room used to be. The Doctor did not find the control room, as he had been hoping, but found himself in the cloister room.

"You think you're clever," he said to the TARDIS.

Recalling how the door had disappeared last time he had entered the cloister room, he backed out before the door had a chance to close. Stepping out into the corridor he looked around with annoyance as the door clicked shut behind him.

"This isn't right."

He was in the hallway outside of the broom closet. Opening the door that had just closed, he found it was indeed the broom closet. The Doctor closed the door and opened it again, to find…the broom closet. Experimentally, he stepped into the damp little room and closed the door behind him, several mop handles falling over as he jostled them. Pushing the handles aside, he stepped out to find himself back in the cloister room.

The Doctor yelled unintelligibly, tearing ivy from a column in a fit of uncharacteristic anger. Dropping the leafy tendrils he drew in a deep breath, trying to hold back his frustration. He leaned back against the column. Why would the TARDIS keep trapping him here? His head throbbed particularly painfully and he rubbed at it.

"She was right. It's not the TARDIS…it's all in my head," he mused.

He straightened, and strode through the room, ideas finally coming together in his mind.

"The computer on the sea base altered the pathways of my mind in order to make it more accessible. When I came back on board the TARDIS the psychic circuitry interfaced with my mind and…keeps bringing me back here…"

He rubbed his hand across his chin. The cloister room was a place for contemplation, reflection.

"You have a lot of nerve," he told the TARDIS. "You fill the corridors with shadows from my unconscious, you attack my companions, you badger me with reminders…well perhaps I shall just ignore you!"

He wrestled one of the roundels from the wall.

"I can eject every single room until there is nothing left except for the control room!" he threatened, heatedly.

The Doctor reached in through the service panel and quickly retracted his hand when the TARDIS electrified the wires in defence. He pulled a cricket ball, a spool of thread, and a paperclip from his trouser pocket. Dropping the ball and spool, he attempted to short the wires and was met with a shower of sparks that fused the paperclip into a useless glob. His patience was fraying. It was the feeling of Tegan pestering him in a tense situation, the feeling of his travelling companions wandering off into danger, the feeling when no one would heed him and walked into their own destruction.

"You want me to contemplate? Fine!"

He angrily sat on the ground, legs crossed, and eyes closed in meditation. He envisioned the control room, the roundels, the control panels, the bobbing column. The faces that he tried so hard to repress flowed into his mind. He tried to refocus, but they were too strongly ingrained in the fabric of the room.

"You're right, you win!" he snapped at the TARDIS, his concentration breaking.

He stood, his temper flaring.

"Sometimes people get left behind! I can't save everyone!"

_Who are you really fighting, Doctor?_

"Don't use their voices! Don't use _her_ voice!" the Doctor snapped.

The TARDIS tilted briefly and the Doctor stumbled back against the wall. The cloister bell sounded.

oOo

In the medical bay, glass containers spilled from the shelves and crashed to the floor as the half-closed cupboards that The Doctor had been rummaging through flipped open with the tilting of the TARDIS. Tegan caught herself on the edge of the bed, and Turlough flung out his arms for balance with a grimace. The cloister bell sounded.

"That's not good," said Tegan.

"I think he's gotten himself into trouble," said Turlough, flipping his legs over the edge of the bed.

"He wanted us to stay here…"  
>"Tegan, when was the last time you did as The Doctor said?"<p>

"Good point," agreed Tegan.

They set off down the corridor as briskly as they could manage, Turlough holding his shoulder uncomfortably.

"You're sure you don't want to go back?" Tegan asked, observing Turlough's pallor.

"And let you have all the fun?" he asked, holding back a shiver.

"Please yourself," she shrugged, as they dashed for the door.

* * *

><p><strong>I know, I left it for a long time again. I kept saying "I should write some more" and then went and did research for school. What a terrible person. Thanks for reading!<strong>


	8. Secrets

The Doctor sat up, gingerly touching the back of his head. He started when the door burst open. Tegan and Turlough stood in the doorway.

"I thought I told you to stay in the sick bay!" he groused, as they came to his side.

"Are you alright? What happened?" Tegan bombarded him.

"You fixed it," Turlough observed.

"I didn't fix…" The Doctor stopped mid-sentence, and glanced around the console room.

"We _are_ back in the console room," Turlough pointed out.

"Yes," he said suspiciously.

Tegan reached a hand to him. He ceased prodding the back of his skull and accepted her hand, rising to his feet.

"How did you find it?" Turlough asked.

"Find what?" The Doctor asked, prying a panel of the console up to expose the psychic circuitry.

"The console room."

The Doctor pulled a few tools out from beneath the console and began to scan each strand with the laser probe, looking for the breaks, picking out frayed bits of wire.

"It found me," he murmured, examining a bundle of optic fibres.

"Well?" Tegan asked.

"Well what?"

"Aren't you going to explain everything?! That's usually your favourite part!" Tegan pressed.

Only Tegan could be annoyed and excited at the same time, he thought. He glanced at both of his companions briefly and went back to looking for the bug in the console. How could he explain his hundreds of years…how could he explain it was his demons tormenting them?

"Doctor!"

Tegan's sharp voice jolted him from his thoughts. He looked up to see Tegan supporting ashen-faced Turlough. Turlough was trying to save face, waving her off. The Doctor set down his instruments and caught Turlough's arm.

"Perhaps we should return to the medical bay?" The Doctor suggested delicately.

The lights had come back up in the corridor.

"Doctor," Turlough said.

"Yes, Turlough," he said patiently.

Turlough was shivering, but The Doctor could see that he was attempting to sound resolute.

"You owe us an explanation!" Turlough said angrily, "I was _attacked_! Tegan was nearly drowned!"

The Doctor looked over at his bedraggled companions. Tegan was uncharacteristically silent, her eyes dark as she held Turlough's arm. Turlough was as livid as The Doctor had ever seen him.

"Look, I'm sorry that this has happened…"

"Doctor, just tell the truth! We live here! This is our home! Something that you know about did this and you can't even tell us?" Turlough raged.

The Doctor pushed open the door to the medical bay. Turlough sat on the edge of his bed. Tegan sat obstinately beside him. Of course they were getting along now; all it took was a common enemy.

"Let me check your bandage," The Doctor said to Turlough.

"Not until you tell us what happened," Turlough insisted.

The Doctor ran his hands down his face and sat back on the edge of the bed opposite. Turlough was still shivering and Tegan held his arm, silently seething. For someone who spent most of her day yelling at him, The Doctor could not remember ever seeing Tegan so angry.

"When I used the computer on the Sea Base it reconfigured my neural pathways. I image that the TARDIS linked with my mind when I was cleaning out the control panel. I suppose I tripped something in the psychic circuitry," The Doctor said.

"But why was the TARDIS attacking us?" Tegan said finally.

"It wasn't the TARDIS," The Doctor said quietly.

"So it was you?" Turlough asked coldly.

"I think I really would like to leave," Tegan said, her jaw set against her building tears.

"Look it wasn't me either…not exactly. The TARDIS created projections based on my memories."

"Oh, so it was your mates tormenting us?" Tegan snapped.

"Why would it do that?" Turlough asked almost simultaneously.

"It was meant to torment me," The Doctor said flatly.

Tegan quickly brushed her hand across her eyes.

"Why? Doctor, just explain it so we can understand," Tegan pleaded.

The Doctor sat back silently. He could not explain all those things that the TARDIS had stirred up. He thought he had left those things buried. His guilt was not for Tegan and Turlough to know. He felt horribly exposed, the edges of his mind laid bare for his companions to see. Everyone he had ever loved and lost, that ever-growing list. These were the things he never let himself think, let alone speak. He had never shared these things with anyone; he was not about to start with Tegan and Turlough.

"When you've live as long as I have, you see wonderful, beautiful things. But sometimes you see terrible things, suffer loss. I don't know why the TARDIS targeted you; I certainly don't wish harm on either of you. We all have secrets, and I would ask that you respect my privacy."

Turlough nodded and Tegan gave a begrudging jerk of her head.

"You both look exhausted. Perhaps you should get some rest?"

Tegan exchanged glances with Turlough briefly, then hopped down from the bed and left without a word. The Doctor took back every time he had ever wished she would be quiet. This silence was far worse. Turlough seemed more understanding; The Doctor knew he kept his own secrets closely guarded.

Apparently satisfied with the answers The Doctor had provided, Turlough allowed the Doctor to peel back the dressing and examine the gash. He kept his admonitions to himself; Turlough had known better than to go running about the TARDIS, and The Doctor was hesitant to alienate him further after their uncomfortable exchange.

"Doctor?"

"Yes?"

"Who was the woman in skins?"

The Doctor paused taping the new dressing over Turlough's mostly closed wound.

"Just a savage I expect."

The cryptic answer did not look to satisfy Turlough, but he did not press the issue.

"What I don't understand," Turlough began, "is how you found the console room."

The Doctor pondered this for a moment. When had the room reappeared? He was certain that his skull had met the solid wall of the cloister room. The lump on the back of his head was a testament to that.

"I suppose the knock to my head disconnected the link with the psychic circuitry."

"But the cloister bell…" protested Turlough.

"Perhaps the TARDIS was over-reacting. I really need to see to that panel now and prevent any other issues. Sleep well," The Doctor bid Turlough.

He hurried down the hall back to the console room. Was it simply a knock to the head? The cloister bell _had_ sounded; no doubt that was what alerted Tegan and Turlough to his plight…

"You sneaky machine…" he said.

He opened the door to the console room and continued scanning the circuit board for the fault. The TARDIS had let him leave to tend to Turlough. It had allowed him to find the medical bay. Maybe it had changed back for Tegan and Turlough? The column plunged once unexpectedly. The Doctor dropped his probe into the console in surprise.

"Well, either you like them or you hate them, you can't have it both ways," he told the TARDIS.

Perhaps he had been too hard on Tegan and Turlough. He had spent more time missing his former companions than he cared to admit to himself. Expecting them to be anyone but Tegan and Turlough was unfair. They were here with him and rather than sighing away their incompetence he should be grateful that someone was keeping this crazy old man company in his police box.

oOo

Tegan never thought she would get to sleep. The hum of the TARDIS had turned from comforting ambience to jarring reminder. She ran her fingers over and over the edge of the coverlet. She trusted the Doctor, certainly…once she had. Maybe it had been Nyssa, having her friend around that had made the TARDIS feel like home. The Doctor was so distant, so much more than he had been only a couple of years earlier.

As old as him for love and loss? Tegan scoffed, then felt the tears building in her eyes. Ever since she had met him it had been loss after loss. Her Aunt Vanessa, Adric, both dead; Nyssa left behind in the stark metal of Terminus. Tegan was only 23…maybe 24? Was she older? She did not remember how long she had been on the TARDIS anymore. Maybe this was how The Doctor felt…she had to go…this time she meant it…this time she would just walk away…one day soon…

oOo

After he awoke Turlough dressed and left his room. He found Tegan curled up in a comfy chair in the game room off from the kitchenette. She stared into her mug as though she was lost in the depths of the beverage. Turlough cleared his throat and she looked up at him, surprised.

"May I join you?" he asked.

"Sure," she said, though her tone betrayed her usual disinterest in his company.

"Thanks."

"How's your shoulder?" she asked.

"Just a little scar left," he said.

"Glad to see you're feeling better

"Look," he said, settling in the sofa, "I…"

She raised her eyebrows.

"You saved my life. I didn't thank you…" he said.

"You don't need to, Turlough. You pulled me out of the pool; I'd say we're even," she said flatly.

"Tegan, we've been on the TARDIS together for months. Don't you think that this hostility is more draining than just…getting along?"

"Is this how you normally go about making friends? Save their lives then—"

"I trust you," he interjected suddenly.

"What?"

"You always say that you don't trust me…I…I thought I was dying, but you wouldn't let me. And you didn't leave me behind."

His throat was dry, remembering the terrible fear. Tegan stared at him, and he could see the tired smudges beneath her eyes.

"It's hard to tell when you're being sincere and when you're being manipulative," she said.

Turlough tried to deny the hurt he felt at her words. He had been a liar for a long time, but in the safety of the TARDIS he found himself falling back into old habits less and less often.

"Ask me something then," he said.

"What?"

"Anything."

She studied him for a moment.

"Why did you think you were in a cave? Before, when you were injured."

Turlough was taken aback by the question.

"You said anything," Tegan reminded him.

"I did," he said, resolved to win Tegan's trust. "When I was younger, some friends and I were hiding out in some caves. There was a…conflict…"

He shook his head. He still could not think about Trion. Tegan stared at him, though her expression was soft, not scornful.

"I can't," he said.

She nodded. After a moment she spoke into her mug, her eyes fixed on the liquid.

"It's alright, Turlough. We all have secrets."

"Tegan…it'd be boring without you here," Turlough finally said.

Tegan's bottom lip twitched, and Turlough thought she looked like she might cry. Trick of the light, he decided when she smiled slightly at him.

"It'd be boring without you, too."

They sat in silence for a long time.

* * *

><p><strong>This is the end. I think I like writing for Doctor Who. There isn't much for the old Doctors, which is too bad because I feel like there is a lot more flexibility for writing there. Anyway, if you've read anything super good in the classic era, PM me because I'd love to check them out.<strong>

**As always, thank you for reading and please review. It means a lot if you've enjoyed it, and as much as I'd like to deny it, it really influences whether or not I keep writing in this fandom. And if you didn't enjoy it...chapter eight is sort of the wrong place to figure that out...**


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